You think you know you are a Satanist? Here’s a humorous list of things that might point at the fact that you may indeed be a Satanist. These are funny and ironic observations about the Satanist community. Take it with a grain of salt! Originally posted at SpiritualSatanist.com in 2010
1. You know you are a Satanist if…You only wear black or very dark red
2. You know you are a Satanist if…You turn every star you see upside down
3. You know you are a Satanist if…You turn every cross you see upside down
4. You know you are a Satanist if…You are not scared of the dark.
5. You know you are a Satanist if…You cringe while hearing family mention Christian things, and praying before dinner makes you chuckle
6. You know you are a Satanist if…You hide in you room, sit in the dark, and listen only to Black Metal
7. You know you are a Satanist if…You think Demons are your friends.
8. You know you are a Satanist if…You wore your pentagram necklace for your High School photo.
9. You know you are a Satanist if…In your ritual room, your own personal Satanic altar has your own picture as the centerpiece
10. You know you are a Satanist if…You brag to your friends that you are a friend of the devil
11. You know you are a Satanist if…You take on a Satanic name, like “Warlock Magus Demonia Nox Satania Verum”
12. You know you are a Satanist if…You keep a picture of Anton LaVey in a black frame
13. You know you are a Satanist if…Your ‘lucky number’ is 13.
14. You know you are a Satanist if…You hold a vigil [with a black candle, of course] on April 11th each year, for LaVey’s Birthday
15. You know you are a Satanist if…You own all of LaVey’s books, or books written about LaVey
16. You know you are a Satanist if…You quote from the Satanic Bible in forums like its gospel
17. You know you are a Satanist if…You only go to Satanic forums
18. You know you are a Satanist if…All your friends at facebook have demonic names
19. You know you are a Satanist if…Your forum icon or avatar is a pentagram or demonic image.
20. You know you are a Satanist if…You have an intimate relationship with Satan
21. You know you are a Satanist if…The worship of Satan is only proper on Saturdays.
22. You know you are a Satanist if…You worship yourself
23. You know you are a Satanist if…You love black cats, and you consider them to be ‘lucky’.
24. You know you are a Satanist if…You own all of King Diamond’s and Danzig’s albums
25. You know you are a Satanist if…You greet everyone you see with the sign of the horns
26. You know you are a Satanist if…You are writing your own Satanic Bible, and are planning on it being 666 pages long.
27. You know you are a Satanist if…You know that Revelation 13:18 in the Bible is the number of the Beast!
28. You know you are a Satanist if…You have destroyed a Bible as your first act of transgression.
29. You know you are a Satanist if…You have been to the edge of darkness and back and wear it as a badge of honor
30. You know you are a Satanist if…You prefer the left side of things
31. You know you are a Satanist if…You say ‘Ave’ when you enter a Satanic chatroom!
32. You know you are a Satanist if…You have finally come out to family and friends that you are a Satanist.
33. You know you are a Satanist if…You have a pact with the devil, for your own personal profit or pleasure.
34. You know you are a Satanist if…Demons are your friends.
35. You know you are a Satanist if…Proudly, you unbaptized yourself ceremoniously in a Black Mass Ritual
36. You know you are a Satanist if…You know the Satanic Invocation from the Satanic Bible by heart…”In nomine Dei Nostri..Satanas..Luciferi”
37. You know you are a Satanist if…You Speak “SataniLatin” [a combination of Satanic words with Latin]
38. You know you are a Satanist if…You are a Church of One
39. You know you are a Satanist if…You celebrate Walpurgisnacht.
40. You know you are a Satanist if…You own the “Red Card”.
41. You know you are a Satanist if…You have been kicked out of the Church of Satan and are proud of it!
42. You know you are a Satanist if…You were born that way
43. You know you are a Satanist if…Your car’s license plate has the numbers 666 in it.
44. You know you are a Satanist if…You wore your pentagram necklace for your drivers license photo.
45. You know you are a Satanist if…You think Halloween should be a federal holiday.
46. You know you are a Satanist if…If you call Satan “Master” or “Father”.
47. You know you are a Satanist if…You open a Church for Satanism.
48. You know you are a Satanist if…You want a Satanic themed wedding.
49. You know you are a Satanist if…You run your own Satanic Website!
AND FINALLY….
50. You know you are a Satanist if…You are visiting this website.
See All the Essays at SpiritualSatanist.com: Satanism, Magic and Demonology