You might be a SatanistYou think you know you are a Satanist? Here’s a humorous list of things that might point at the fact that you may indeed be a Satanist. These are funny and ironic observations about the Satanist community. Take it with a grain of salt! Originally posted at SpiritualSatanist.com in 2010

1. You know you are a Satanist if…You only wear black or very dark red

2. You know you are a Satanist if…You turn every star you see upside down

3. You know you are a Satanist if…You turn every cross you see upside down

4. You know you are a Satanist if…You are not scared of the dark.

5. You know you are a Satanist if…You cringe while hearing family mention Christian things, and praying before dinner makes you chuckle

6. You know you are a Satanist if…You hide in you room, sit in the dark, and listen only to Black Metal

7. You know you are a Satanist if…You think Demons are your friends.

8. You know you are a Satanist if…You wore your pentagram necklace for your High School photo.

9. You know you are a Satanist if…In your ritual room, your own personal Satanic altar has your own picture as the centerpiece

10. You know you are a Satanist if…You brag to your friends that you are a friend of the devil

11. You know you are a Satanist if…You take on a Satanic name, like “Warlock Magus Demonia Nox Satania Verum”

12. You know you are a Satanist if…You keep a picture of Anton LaVey in a black frame

13. You know you are a Satanist if…Your ‘lucky number’ is 13.

14. You know you are a Satanist if…You hold a vigil [with a black candle, of course] on April 11th each year, for LaVey’s Birthday

15. You know you are a Satanist if…You own all of LaVey’s books, or books written about LaVey

16. You know you are a Satanist if…You quote from the Satanic Bible in forums like its gospel

17. You know you are a Satanist if…You only go to Satanic forums

18. You know you are a Satanist if…All your friends at facebook have demonic names

19. You know you are a Satanist if…Your forum icon or avatar is a pentagram or demonic image.

20. You know you are a Satanist if…You have an intimate relationship with Satan

21. You know you are a Satanist if…The worship of Satan is only proper on Saturdays.

22. You know you are a Satanist if…You worship yourself

23. You know you are a Satanist if…You love black cats, and you consider them to be ‘lucky’.

24. You know you are a Satanist if…You own all of King Diamond’s and Danzig’s albums

25. You know you are a Satanist if…You greet everyone you see with the sign of the horns

26. You know you are a Satanist if…You are writing your own Satanic Bible, and are planning on it being 666 pages long.

27. You know you are a Satanist if…You know that Revelation 13:18 in the Bible is the number of the Beast!

28. You know you are a Satanist if…You have destroyed a Bible as your first act of transgression.

29. You know you are a Satanist if…You have been to the edge of darkness and back and wear it as a badge of honor

30. You know you are a Satanist if…You prefer the left side of things

31. You know you are a Satanist if…You say ‘Ave’ when you enter a Satanic chatroom!

32. You know you are a Satanist if…You have finally come out to family and friends that you are a Satanist.

33. You know you are a Satanist if…You have a pact with the devil, for your own personal profit or pleasure.

34. You know you are a Satanist if…Demons are your friends.

35. You know you are a Satanist if…Proudly, you unbaptized yourself ceremoniously in a Black Mass Ritual

36. You know you are a Satanist if…You know the Satanic Invocation from the Satanic Bible by heart…”In nomine Dei Nostri..Satanas..Luciferi”

37. You know you are a Satanist if…You Speak “SataniLatin” [a combination of Satanic words with Latin]

38. You know you are a Satanist if…You are a Church of One

39. You know you are a Satanist if…You celebrate Walpurgisnacht.

40. You know you are a Satanist if…You own the “Red Card”.

41. You know you are a Satanist if…You have been kicked out of the Church of Satan and are proud of it!

42. You know you are a Satanist if…You were born that way

43. You know you are a Satanist if…Your car’s license plate has the numbers 666 in it.

44. You know you are a Satanist if…You wore your pentagram necklace for your drivers license photo.

45. You know you are a Satanist if…You think Halloween should be a federal holiday.

46. You know you are a Satanist if…If you call Satan “Master” or “Father”.

47. You know you are a Satanist if…You open a Church for Satanism.

48. You know you are a Satanist if…You want a Satanic themed wedding.

49. You know you are a Satanist if…You run your own Satanic Website!

AND FINALLY….

50. You know you are a Satanist if…You are visiting this website.

 

See All the Essays at SpiritualSatanist.com: Satanism, Magic and Demonology